Sunday, December 27, 2015

wintertime hibernation

As people cooler than me sometimes say (pushing up my glasses), this is my jam.

I know wintertime hibernation is settling into my bones when I find myself hovering above a mug of tea, savoring the scalding sting of aromatic steam, while listening to the baritone voice of frontman Matt Berninger from The National.  The National is my official wintertime band.  I love these guys, but you just can't swing them during summer, because there is something undeniably grey-skies-scandinavian about their somber songs.  BUT STOP BUT tonight my intention is to focus on another team of creative white men:  Matt, Casey (or "The Better Affleck" as I call him in my head), and Gus.

This is how Gerry opens, and for the rest of this movie
the desert landscape remains one of the primary characters.
I got myself a holiday gift:  the indie drama Gerry - by Gus Van Sant starring Matt Damon and Casey Affleck.  I first watched Gerry ten years ago, and I saw it only once in its entirety.  I never forgot this film, and I'd often watch its opening on YouTube.  So many reasons I appreciate it:  I'm a sucker for films about friends traveling together, and these friends travel through breathtaking landscapes. Also - I enjoy suspense as a genre, and there are ultra tense moments in this movie.  I don't have the word water tattooed to my wrist for no reason!  I'm aware of my reliance on drinkable water to stay alive so, when the boys in this film barely survive in the hot desert without any H2O, it's harrowing to watch. ... Anyway, here's a summary of my Christmas wknd:  Returning to Gerry one decade later felt like reuniting with a friend.  In the past twenty-four hours, I've watched this movie three times. It's so fucking hilarious and simultaneously heartrending.  A mesmerizing and meditative movie, I know why I've never forgotten Gerry.  I had a good Christmas wknd, and I hope you did too. (wink)

"And Sajak was like ... 'NOOOOOO.'"  That line gets me; so funny!

OK - money.  Some expenses loom large from now through the month of January.  With $37 total in my bank accounts, I'm not sure I'll be able to pay off this score over the next five wks.  But the transparency of this blog forced me to be accountable before - maybe it can fiscally inspirit me again:

RENT - This week I owe my landlord $348 for Jan rent. The direct deposit I get on Wednesday will be much less than $348 - because I work an hourly rate, and I was out sick last week.  I'm gonna give my landlord a check and ask that he wait to deposit it until the first week of January.  This might set me back the whole month, and I gotta mentally prep for that, but tomorrow I'll ask if I can work remotely to make up the time I was sick.

EGGS - While my housemate was away this wknd, I fried her last three eggs because I haven't been very good about food shopping...  This should cost me about $5.

ILLUSTRATOR - This score I feel guiltiest about.  Regular readers may've intuited from the chest-beating and heartfelt apologies to my talented illustrator, my favoritest english muffin, that I still owe her for the Depressed Dentist image, and I've sworn to send her payment by the end of January. Next month I will be sending a few hundred pounds across the pond to the British Isles.

In total, this score adds up to an average $750.  If I make these expenses my top priority, not spending on anything else except for food and beverages, then I should be able to pay these dues.

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

In 2016, I will glare at you.

Meet my cell phone.

For about the past five years, I haven't had a phone bill.  I think it was 2010 when I was having my taxes done at a local community center, the City of Somerville found out how poor I am, and I was put into their SafeLink Wireless Program, which provides a free phone with free monthly minutes.

I'm pretty ashamed of my phone, because it isn't fancy like other people's mobiles.  It has really crappy reception.  When I try to chat with friends while lounging in my bedroom, calls usu cut out. Then I have to call back - apologizing and hoping with all my might that I don't lose reception a second time.  When someone says "Okay - I sent you a text so you should have my phone number now," I think "Nope - because it can take up to five minutes for texts to get through to my phone," which is a long delay in 2015 tech time.  The worst is when someone just points and starts laughing.

SO why am I sharing this, and why am I choosing to share it now?

I started A Broke Bridget last May and, in a way, our blog's been for me what AA is for alchies.  I come to this electronic space.  Stand up.  Say "My name's Bishop, and I survive everyday in poverty." Smile. Wave. Then sit down.  Over these past seven months, I've come to own this part of my life more completely and peacefully than ever before.  I'm openly poor, which is rather anti-American.  And in this vein, as 2015 ends, I wanna move into 2016 without shame surrounding my cell phone.

SO starting in 2016 I will phone my friends from my apartment's reliable landline.
In 2016 I will stop apologizing about my free cell phone.  I'm grateful to have it!
If someone laughs at my phone, I'll glare at them til they stop.  (A Kaitlyn Greenidge glare.)
In 2016 I will not awkwardly text while simultaneously trying to hide my phone in my bag.
In 2016 I'll explain that, as I am low-income, the City of Somerville gives me a free phone.
And all of this will be me continuing to accept, embrace, and enjoy my life for what it is.

Recently we haven't had much focus on my chronically meager finances, so the purist within me thought it was high time we reviewed just how broke your Bridget remains...  However, tomorrow Christmas officially commences, so let us quickly conclude with some lighter and brighter tidings:

#3  -  As I proceed to produce my movie, the filmmaking process is becoming mine.  I set out to complete a business plan by the end of this month...  womp womp, that's not gonna happen.  Not because I'm not working away at it.  I am working a lot.  I am exhausted.  It will be a glorious day when I connect with an associate producer.  But there are endless websites that advise this and advise that.  They are great starting points - for me to ignore.  Something I didn't read about, but something I plan to do regardless is include the compensation of paid cast and crew in the budget before I begin raising capital, so that their piddly payments are part of the fundraising drive.  This means assembling a skeleton cast/crew now.  I've continued to contact folks.  What I am discovering - and it's more amazing than I can articulate artfully - is that this isn't a project to hold back on.  When I haven't held back; when I've flailed my arms and passionately yelped "AS AN ARTIST, YOU'RE STUNNING BECAUSE YOU CAN EXPERTLY EXPRESS X Y AND Z.  OR YOU CAN EDIT LIKE NO OTHER HUMAN BEING!  I APPRECIATE YOUR WORK SOOOOO MUCH," the surprising response is affirmative. (stunned expression)  Sometimes I overwhelm others.  Or they think I'm a mouthy showboat.  Or my friendliness is confused for subtle flirting.  (I don't flirt subtly, as regular readers know...)  In short, I am no longer surprised by crossed wires!  And I am constantly measuring how to appropriately interact or respond in a circumstance.  BUT there was someone I approached, and I wasn't really sure about their place in this film project.  Even as I contacted their agent, I was aware that my approach was politely tentative, and they passed; said no thanks...  In my everyday life, tentative works. With filmmaking, hesitancy sinks my ship.  During this filmmaking process my strong personality actually helps me, and I want to believe that I'm gonna connect with equally high-energy collaborators who thrive through creating.  Who want to pour passionate carebear love into something super special.

Oh crap!  It got late.  Let's skip #2.  Here's #1:

merry christmas to YOU, whom i heart.  sending a huge hug.